2012 CrossFit Regionals

With the 2012 South Central CrossFit Regionals over and a 4th place finish behind me I am taking some time to rest. I'm not going to lie 4th place has a bit of a sting to it. I've chosen to not over evaluate and analyze everything that happened. For me it's just been easier to turn it off. Actually I've been doing my best to avoid the topic but I realize that the people that have supported me, prayed for and encouraged me deserve more than that.

Understandably I feel the disappointment that comes with missing a goal. For a few days I was a little lost, not quite knowing what to do with myself. People have been encouraging but I can sense the let down they are feeling as well. Don't get me wrong I'm not moping around feeling sorry for myself. I've been an athlete long enough to have known defeat and also how to deal with it. Perhaps what is causing me the greatest struggle is understanding the greater purpose in it all.

I have trained for the last 10 months trying my best to keep the focus on God. Concentrating on what He could do and who He could reach through me and the platform of CrossFit. I wasn't foolish enough to believe that my journey would undoubtedly mean winning. However, I was foolish enough to believe God's purpose would be clear to me and I would be able to see my role in it so easily. To be honest that's what I am struggling with right now.

I try to be pretty transparent about my faith, how it affects my life and the way I compete. I also like to think I'm honest about not having all the answers and how many times I walk blindly through stuff. For this reason I want to answer a question that has been asked of me several times since my 4th place finish. That question is: Does God care about winning and about CrossFit? I laughed the first time I was asked this but after thinking about it here is my honest response. You may or may not agree.

I do not believe God cares specifically about CrossFit, or winning for that matter. I know He definitely cares about me and what is important to me, including CrossFit. But I believe He is more concerned about what he can teach me through CrossFit and how He can reach others. That being said, Gods purpose will look different for everyone. In light of the worlds view it could mean being a huge success or even a colossal failure. Naively I thought I was prepared for either, as long as I could understand the bigger picture and His purpose in it all.  For now I don't, at least not yet.

I'm not sure what the lesson is, or the impact I've had, if any. Hopefully one day I will. I was wrong to think that I would have all the answers. Wrong to think I would understand His plan through all of this craziness. I am reminded of Isiah 55:8 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord.

I don't know what God has ahead of me, I don't even know if it will involve CrossFit. My trust, my faith is in knowing His plan if far better than my own. As someone once told me, "perhaps this is just a wall to the house and not the roof". In other words, perhaps this is just part of the journey and not the destination?

Despite what I may not understand right now I have a grateful heart for so much. New friendships, invaluable experience, the support of family and the well wishes of strangers. Not that I ever questioned it before but I am one very blessed girl, 4th place finish and all!

The Do-Over

We can all look back on life with the desire to have done a few things differently. Call them regrets if you will or missed opportunity. They are moments that hindsight tells us are fixable. Fixable if we could just have another chance, a 'Do-Over'

Rarely does life present us with Do-Overs. Rather it allows us time to absorb our actions and decisions. It gives us time to reflect and to learn, to realize what was good, bad and what we should have changed.

If you're a CrossFitter then you're probably familiar with the sting and desire to want a 'do-over'. It occurs when a workout ends and the few brief minutes of thankfulness pass. It's here that personal performance analysis begins.
How could you have done better, been faster, fixed form, attacked a skill or paced yourself better? Inevitably, the conclusion is always the same. More reps were possible, a stronger performance achievable. Hindsight tells us we could have done better. Hindsight screams, "You need a do-over". But exhausted and depleted all you can do is wait. CrossFit, like life-makes us sit on, accept and let our decisions and performance sink in.


The 2012 Open CrossFit workouts allow multiple attempts at each workout. And although there are times and certain workouts that make me want to return to the gym for a second shot, I am choosing not to. CrossFit isn't my life but it sure teaches me a lot about life, especially my reaction to it.
There is no re-wind button in life, and rarely do we get a chance to 'do-over' the big things. I'm doing the open workouts keeping that in mind, without trying to obsess over every rep, placement or mistake. I'm trying to train myself to be in the moment: to act, react and perform knowing I wont get another chance or a 'Do-over'. I don't know exactly how my decision will effect me, but I do know that many times those things I wish I could have changed are the ones that have shaped and affected me the most. I'm giving myself one shot, one chance and I'm going to see where it takes me...

Fittest Games 2012

A little under a year ago I entered my first CrossFit competition. The Fittest Games. I was what I like to call a Crossfit baby. Undoubtedly the most distinguishing factor of my CrossFit infancy was my lack of basic skills, some of which I had not even tried before, muscle ups included. Thankfully I can laugh at myself now but in the early days I honestly had trouble keeping the names of the Olympic lifts straight in my head,"Which one is the snatch again"? Another tell tale sign that I was a new was the one lonely pair of Lululemon shorts that sat in my closet. I didn't know they would pave the way for many, many, many more to come, but I'm glad they did. For these reasons and many others I was a CrossFit baby, crawling around the box enjoying a WOD or two a week.

You may wonder how, with so little experience a newbie like myself got roped into competing. Lets just say the gentle and sometimes not so gentle persuasion of others can really push you to do things that make you a bit uncomfortable. And while competing to satisfy others was of some incentive there was part of me that wanted to do it for myself. I had a one year old at home and I needed a challenge, something outside of work and being a Mother. I didn't know it at the time, but I needed to feel like an athlete again. I hesitantly signed up for the intermediate division and headed to Austin for the first time.

Fast forward a year and I qualified for the pro division at The Fittest Games. Something that makes me laugh in a way. Who would have thought? At times I feel like I'm still just pretending to know what I'm doing. Occasionally it may actually look that way. Regardless, I've taken leaps and bounds from where I came from, and I've watched others around me do the same. That alone is a testament to CrossFit and one of the many reasons I love it. I'm always challenged, always stretched and always pushed to be better. CrossFit helps me grow both physically and spiritually. While I might not be a CrossFit 'baby' anymore I certainly still have a lot to learn. Here's to the Journey!

Comparison

It's easy to get caught up comparing ourselves to others. As humans we have a natural tendency to desire what we don't have. We look at others and we covert the qualities, abilities and physical traits we either see lacking in ourselves or more desirable than our own.

The problem with comparison is that it has enormous power to steal joy. A joy that comes from being thankful for our own abilities, talents and qualities-thankful for the things that make us unique. Comparison says, No to the way God made me and yes to the idea that I could have done it better.

Total acceptance of yourself is the only way to beat comparison. Recognize your strengths, identify your weaknesses and then work with what God gave you. Accept yourself-the good and the bad. When you can do that its time to put yourself under construction. Start working hard but not in an attempt to become someone else. Desire to be the best YOU, whatever that looks like! As a dear friend once told me "Don't try to fill someone elses shoes, buy yourself a new pair"!

Trying to do it all

Being a Mother looks a little different for each of us. Regardless of if you stay home, work full time, or juggle both, I think we would all agree that being a Mum/Mom is one of the most rewarding things we can do as women. It can however, be one of the most difficult.

Inevitable at one time or another we all feel the 'Mom guilt' that can be associated with having children. We worry that we aren't doing our absolutely best with and for our children while trying to juggle all the other demands of life.

I used to think I could fix that feeling of inadequacy by changing my schedule or wishing my circumstance was different, but I've learned that isn't the case. In fact the opposite happened. I learned that those things I truly value outside of being Brennan's Mom are the things that make me a great Mom. Work, Exercising, Volunteering, bible study and time with my husband are things that not only strengthen me physically and spiritually, but they do the same for my family.

That being said, It's taken me time to find a balance that includes these things but always puts my family first. For me that means having a good grasp on what is important and selecting the things that can impact us and others in the most positive way. I've learned it's not about doing the most activities or overbooking myself, because when that happens I allow the day to become about getting things checked of a list rather than anything of substance or value. I want to make the conscious choice to not live life so busy. To do that it's critical for me to be able to recognize when to say yes, but even more importantly when to say no. How we spend out time is a choice, whether we want to admit it or not. I want to choose my family first and the things that make me a better Mother and wife. I want balance without having to strive for it or sacrifice my sanity.

After all motherhood is a season of life that will one day pass by. While I recognize and enjoy the benefit of things outside of being a Mother I must say that slowing down, taking things off my list and saying no more often has taught me more than anything. I've learned to be still amongst the chaos, but also when there is no chaos. I've learned to truly be in the moment and realize just how fleeting that moment is. I don't need to fill each day with activities. I don't need to cram schedules and overextend myself to be a good Mother. In fact learning to let the day unfold on it's own has proven the greatest blessing of all.

So, what DO you eat?

A big part to success when changing your diet is accountability. Food Journals are a great way to get real with yourself and also provide accountability. For years I've had clients bring journals for me to look at. I've had them email me, which allows me the added benefit to put that wonderful highlighter and strikeout function into practice. However, as a visual learner I always felt like I was missing some of the picture, excuse the pun. At times I couldn't be sure if my clients understood portion control, or if they were even telling me the truth. Let's be honest we all can fudge a bit when describing our food intake to someone that is going to critique it. That's when it hit me. It's time to photo journal your food people!!

These days almost everyone has a smart phone and taking a picture is a cinch. I tried it myself recently and it made the world of difference. There wasn't anything lost in translation from my plate to the paper. What you see is what you get. My clients of course have to provide me with more information like times of meals and ingredients, but on a whole it is working great. If you are more of a visual person or are looking to just try a new way to log your food intake start snapping! It may change how you look at your food.
Below is a day in my life, just to give you an idea.
To a select few (you know who your are)please keep those picky critiques to yourselves :)



Breakfast: 2 eggs/ 2 pieces bacon/ green beans...and of course my WODPAK :)












Snack: Apple and almond butter











This is my empty shaker from my 'Recovery' Progenix. I love it so much I couldn't even get a picture of it before it was gone :)










Lunch: Zucchini Lasagna and sweet potatoes










Snack: Berry Shake and a piece of beef jerky

















Dinner: Slow cooked pork roast and yellow squash casserole

Goodbye to ME..

Its a new year. A time when lots of people reevaluate their success and failures from the past and make promises to improve, do better or simply change all together. I hear and see so much this time of year regarding "My goals", "My mantra", My motivation, My Song". While I don't doubt that these things can be and are beneficial in keeping people on track and motivated. I do doubt the weight, ability and the faith we put in ourselves to accomplish things.

As for me, I need to refocus. This year has to be about taking the 'Me' and 'Mine' out of goals and dreams. It can't be all about me and I don't want it to be!
The faith I have needs to rest solely at the feet of Jesus Christ and not on my own abilities or desires. Those God given talents need to be used for a greater purpose, apart from building myself up and fulfilling selfish dreams. I'm learning that His dreams need to be my desires. That everything; the good, the fun, the bad, the ugly all need to be used for His glory. What does that look like? I have no idea. What I do know is that anything He has for me is far better than what I can conjure up myself.

While I'll try not to be, I'm sure I'll be like most other people and their New Years goals. I will slip up at times, I will make mistakes and I know I will have a lot to learn. I will not however, give up. For not even the selfish stuff my heart desires can compare to the joy it is to serve and honor such a faithful God.
Goodbye 'Me' and 'Mine'. Hello 'You' and 'Yours'.